When I hit rock bottom…
I didn’t know what to do. I had so much anxiety that I had to walk laps around the block to keep my sanity (and even that was questionable).
Then at night, stupid PTSD kept me from falling asleep. My body would jerk awake whenever I started to doze off because it replicated the feeling of anesthesia before surgery. I had more adrenaline pumping through my body at night than any other time during the day – even amidst the daily panic attacks that would come without warning.
I knew my body was fighting and I couldn’t stop it myself. I knew I needed to get it under control. I knew I needed to get my mind right to do that. But I DID NOT want to get on addictive drugs, see a therapist, or go to a support group because I thought it would unravel me even more… to the point of no return.
The first step is the hardest.
When we’re on a healing path, everything is overwhelming. Knowing which direction to move in or what choice to make can seem impossible. So impossible, that sometimes we just freeze and do nothing.
When we freeze, we are protected from making the wrong choice, but we can’t make the right choice or move forward either.
As I contemplated the various options that I was presented with from medication, to talk therapy, to support groups, I knew I had to start with one and see where that took me before adding or subtracting other remedies.
Selectively deciding what to do is the real first step.
Not taking that first pill, or sitting on that therapy couch, or putting on your name badge for that support group. It’s choosing the path that feels right for you. And it takes guts to make that first decision.
But once you’re moving, you’re in control of the destination.
Nothing has to be forever. You don’t have to take that pill forever. You don’t have to sit on that therapy couch forever, and you don’t have to attend that group forever. You can start with one, move to another, quit the other and then switch back.
The important thing is that you are in pursuit of overcoming… not entertaining your trauma/negative experience(s).
For me I started with talk therapy, added medication, came off medication, went back on medication, came back off medication, and never made it to that group; although now I support it. There is NO RIGHT WAY.
I’ve had friends who’ve taken completely different routes with completely different therapies that have changed their lives for the better.
And while there is no universal right way to heal, one thing is true for all of us: We are not meant to suffer in solitude.
There is help and there is hope if you are bold enough to take that first step and then run hard toward healing.
You. Are. Worth. It.
And your story is still unfolding. Make it a good one.