Some people seem to have it all together.
Guaranteed – they don’t.
A few weeks ago I was at a womans event where the beautiful, well-spoken and put-together speaker shared her life story of childhood neglect, sexual abuse, drug addiction, homelessness, and the day she made the choice to release the baggage that kept her from walking away.
Now don’t stop reading here because you already know where you end up in life as an accumulation of your choices. That’s not where we’re going with this.
She had to crawl up out of hell.
It took time. It took perseverance. But what I took away from her story most of all, is that it took an ally. She spoke of a friend who supported her choice and did the hard things alongside her.
When she was done telling her story of releasing everything that held her back, she encouraged the rest of the room to do the same.
It was our turn.
Piles of rocks sat on tables that we would symbolically release into tins and leave behind, never to be picked up again.
Women would walk up to a table, pick up their rock, explain what it represented, drop it in the tin and the room would cheer for her.
As the piles of rocks got smaller, the baggage got heavier.
The issues and traumas got more and more intense as women gathered their courage to walk them up to the table and release them. When someone had trouble releasing their rock, a friend would come up and stand beside her, instantly soothing her anxieties, and she would eventually drop the rock with triumph.
All because someone stood next to her.
How incredible is the power that one woman can give to another by simply standing next to her?!
Why don’t we do this more? How much farther along could we collectively be if we did?
Why it matters.
Sometimes we need someone to stand next to us so we can know our own strength. When things get hard, we get scared and we stay in familiar territory. I know this from experience, but I was one of the lucky ones who had others standing with me.
To get out of a hard place, we have to do hard things – and we’re capable of so much more with support from others than we are alone.
How to stand with her.
I’m not saying you need to fix anything. She will be better for having done the hard things herself, but dang it show her she’s not alone. It will change everything. She might believe in herself for the first time, simply because you did!
Showing up for someone can look a million different ways and it doesn’t matter what you say or do so go ahead and take that pressure off yourself to say or do the perfect thing. Your intentions and presence are enough. You are enough. Who can you stand next to?
Who can stand with you?
If you’re the one who needs a person, I’m standing here for you.
I may not have all the answers, but I’m here.
I also recceomond plugging into a club or group of any interest. When you find common ground with a group of people, you find community. When you find community, you find your people.