In Personal Growth, Trauma

How do you know you’re doing this “life” thing right?

Last week I did the same load of laundry twice.

Not, “Whoops I left the laundry in the washer too long I better run it again.” I actually washed, dried and pulled the laundry out of the dryer into a basket then put that same basket of laundry right back into the washer.

This got me so worked up. Am I that absentminded? Truth is, the next day was what we lovingly refer to as “scan day” at our house. Scan day is the day I go in for a brain MRI to make sure the hole in my brain where the cancer was removed is still “stable.”

It always rattles me. I’m off my game. Heck, I’m not even in the game. I make mistakes at work, at home, and with loved ones.

I’m so afraid that if my scan goes bad, everything and everyone will be left in chaos so I try really hard to do all the things before the big day. Do the laundry, organize the drawer, clean the bathrooms… All the regular nesting things, but this time instead of preparing to bring life into the world, I’m preparing to leave the world. I know, it’s so morbid, and so dumb.

It’s dumb because while I’m over here trying to catch my breath under the mountain of tasks I’ve assigned myself, I’m neglecting the important things like bedtime stories and loving on my husband. Instead, I’m stressed out yelling at my kids and crying myself to sleep.

My scan went great, again.

The weight was lifted, again.

Walking out of the doctor’s office with the good news, we documented our excitement with the photo above. Then Bruce said the expected, “Here’s to another 6 months!”

I’d said it before myself. It’s how we live – 6 months at a time. It’s our normal. But this day it felt wrong and the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn’t right.

I’ve had it all backwards.

I had always put way too much emphasis on making things a certain way before the next scan and fearing the worst, that I’ve been ignoring the possibility I may never get a bad scan.

Even worse than dying soon – I could end up living 100 years – all for the tiny part when I die.

I know I’m not the only one living to die.

Our whole lives are set up for us to die. We have life insurance, wills, trusts, succession plans, “forever home” plans, retirement plans, the list goes on.

We are prepared when it comes to our final days!

But what about when it comes to living RIGHT NOW? Do you have a plan for that?

  • How are you going to make the now count?
  • How are you going to soak up all you can out of this life?
  • How are you going to turn little moments into big ones?

You guys, living doesn’t have to be so complicated. We don’t have to spend a crap ton of money to make memories and we don’t have to save a crap ton of money to die. We can do whatever the crap we want!

What lights your soul on fire? Do it!

What makes your heart content? Do it!

Mind you, I’m not saying to screw yourself financially so you can live a fairytale life. I’m simply advocating for flexibility.

Conformity is a trap.

“But I can’t do what I want because (insert excuse here).”

Sorry, but that’s B.S.

There will be sacrifices and you will have to get uncomfortable, but it will be worth it.

You can take small steps every single day that add up. Every single day that God allows you to open your eyes, take a breath, get out of bed, and kiss your family is an opportunity to take a step.

Take the step.

Identify why that goal matters so much to you and that will be your driving force… Not guilt, or naysayers, or excuses.

Those things don’t matter.

What matters is that you actually take back your life – live it – and die with zero regrets.

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